He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just pee around me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
