people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
