Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize