My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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