If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
