3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
