Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
