i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
