No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
