dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
