her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
