Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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