I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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