Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
