I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
