Who wears a wallet chain?!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i think i just lost a toe
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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