so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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