Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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