i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
