I hate your face
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
