i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just gift wrapped bread.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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