1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
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Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
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So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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