He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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