whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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