I hope mine doesn't look like that
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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