She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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