Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
