It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I could make wine with my vomit
God, you're like boner-b-gone
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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