why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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