I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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