Jerry, you need to find god
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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