dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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