if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
