Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
