Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
