we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
