i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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