Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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