I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
