i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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