Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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