break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
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