I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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