the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
