How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
