she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
nutella sex= disaster
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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