Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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