Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
