I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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