It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
