I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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