I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
