I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize