He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
