We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
