I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
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Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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