So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
