in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
