super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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