I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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